Harvey

Little Harvey arrived in this world on the 21st November 2014 at 3.28pm. After 17 hours of labour, 12 hours of which I partly had laughing gas, thank God for epidural at 11am. I wouldn't have been able to survive excruciating pain much longer. My water broke the night before with a slight trickle and I begun having contractions about 11pm. I had been fast asleep that very night woken up to what I thought was a tummy ache. When I got to the front of the hospital, my water gushed out all over my pad and because I was Gbs Positive I had to be given antibiotics straightaway on a 4 hourly time frame to protect bubs from infection. The pain is inexplicable. I am just glad Harvey was delivered safe and healthy with forceps because his position was breached. I was in so much tears. Today Harvey is 1 week and 3 days old. He lost his cord on the 29th of November. I am a sleep deprived mom but a very very happy mom. I have so much to learn and feeling very grateful that my mom in law is here to help out. Harvey weighed 3.292kgs head circumference 33cm and height at 51cms at birth. Here's to many more happy days for my new family.

November 2014

I am pregnant and expecting little Harvey in the next few weeks.i can't wait and this anticipation is killin me. Lionel and I got married this year on the 8th of February 2014 in Kuching. It was such a beautiful wedding, something I have always imagined when I was a little girl. I have taken a year off for maternity leave. This past 9 months have been so beautiful for me. I had the best pregnancy although I must admit that the first 3 months and the last month has been reasonably hard. I'm hoping to get better very soon before Harvey decides to come out. We had our honeymoon in Maldives. It was like heaven on earth. I guess it turned out that Harvey had been the outcome of such a remarkable honeymoon. Here's to another great year and looking forward to our first Christmas as new parents.

Update

Do you feel like you sometimes are a bad person? On the 10th of March, Lionel proposed to me and I said yes. It feels surreal that everything has started to fall into place and I cant even begin to express my excitement of starting a family with this man. It seems as though time is our only factor. Beneathe all this candy painted sugar coated world, I keep telling myself that I have to be thankful everyday for the blessing of life. Some days seem so dark, I feel as though I am all alone. My only pet rabbit passed away On Valentines Day this year. The one person who was truly there through thick and thin. I remember when I used to stay in the penthouse in the city, we would all sit by the balcony, stare into the sky, watch the stars and have a cold beer and a cigar. I really miss my August. So many great things happen in August. It brings me many fond thoughts, many happy memories. I also wonder sometimes about the people i used to care alot for, people who used to be important to me, people who meant alot to me. I wonder sometimes if all those years and time spent with that person was just a waste of time for the both of us, but we all know that all stories dont always end up happily ever after. And eventually you find Prince charming and things dont stay the same forever. Change itself is the only thing that is constant. And no, to me it wasnt a waste of time. It was more of, I really enjoyed building all those memories with you. It gave me so much to bring forward to carry on and make myself become who I am today. All my imperfections, countless. I am still glad someone still loves me for who i am and would still share my world. On the 7th of April, I signed my new contract with the Commonwealth bank on a job promotion that i have decided on taking. Tonight, I'm just on the bed, thinking about all the things that have happened in the last 4 months. I would never have thought i would have gotten so far in the last 2 years. God is so good to me. Happiness is self controlled. You either let urself be happy or miserable. You can control ur career, but leave everything else to luck. Kuching, I have missed u so.

December

My brother is finally graduating this month. It's been a long month and I can't wait for Christmas. I want Christmas presents and all the happiness in the world. I've made up my mind to pursue a different path in my career. I don't know if it would be the wisest thing to do as for now, but I just really want to move up and live the dreams and specialize. I pray that next year will be a better year. I've started going out again, I know it's a real drag with my work load I hardly find time for Anything else, but i am making more time for people around me. I don't want to take anyone for granted.

Reality

I've had my reality check done. It's been 2 weeks since I have returned to Melbourne. Today I went for my first bridal fitting with my girlfriends. The bride to be, Her dress looked amazing on her, I want to look as amazing as she was today when my time comes. I did not get engaged in Kuching although Lionel and I threw a small get together with a bunch of our friends. I guess so many things happened, my heart got broken at the words i heard come out from the person i loved. Then there was my mom and my dad. So much has happened, i feel so numb. At times I wished they could just break up and leave because of how bad things have gotten to. I dont know why 2 people would rather put up and cope although everything is at a dead end. Im so frustrated I don't even know how to begin. Family issues have been a sensitive part for me. I dont know how many more nights i cry myself to sleep. and I just dont care anymore. . but i care. i dont know what im saying. I am really proud of myself because for the 8 days that i was in Kuching I slept with the lights off. But of course I had trouble sleeping, I slept every night around 3am because my heart was just so..troubled, I dont know how and what to feel. I think there was no drama because Ive always chose to not do anything about simply anything. Let it be. I am really glad I've not settled down. I cannot imagine life being tied down i cannot imagine being the one who has to wait i cannot imagine so many things, u dont know how it feels. This is me being me. Had to change the address of the site because this was getting too personal.

Love

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” I love you, i love you and I love you and I'm ready now to spend the rest of my life with you. No more doubts only more love.

Travel the world

I'm aging so fast it ain't funny. I've had a total of 8 flights and airport check ins during the last week. Melbourne's now 3 hours away from Malaysian time. I can't believe the weekend is right around the corner. I swear the food poisoning bit isnt the best feeling in the world. I've had so much going on that I do not know how to feel anymore. A pink Hermes purse was given to me yesterday as a gift. I've got balloons to arrange, liqour to order and flowers to think of. I just need to find the perfect dress and have the best of friends around me for a toast for a great celebration. and no, it's Not for a wedding. :)

5 DAYS!

i've been so busy at work that I forgot that special day of the month! This weekend would be the weekend i've been anticipating for the last few months. I'm finally going to Shanghai for one of my best girlfriends wedding! And of course, Lionel and I would be best man and bridesmaid! I can't wait to dump all the thoughts of work, interests, investments, term deposits, risk, superannuation, trusts and all that friggin shit talk away! All the damn professional talk down the drain! woohoo! Now thats how life is to be lived! :)

No better time to say how scared I really am.

Happy birthday

And today I said yes to my new job promotion :) Somewhere along the way I did stop and paused to think of you. I hope you enjoy this day with your love ones and live life young without regrets. God Bless.

Zookeeper

I've always wanted to be a zookeeper!

At the moment I've got 2 baby prawns after trying to breed em for 2 months.

I've been watching so much Naruto and One Piece. Actually spent the last few months watching it to sleep...


What's been happening? Its finally August! My plans of home coming has been post poned because my parents have thought of coming over instead.

Sometimes I wish I could just pack my bags, go home and live happily ever after without worrying to pay for anything.

I'm so happy that we have a new addition to our family. My brother's girlfriend has been none other than wonderful. And if you must know, I am all fuss about who he dates.

Outside my room, Ninja ( Lionel's sisters boyfriend's dog ) is chewing his food and all I can see is his white fat bum!

August

To think that i will be home soon, makes me just so happy. Times are always going to get hard, everyone wants/expects more and more from you each day.

I'm making home made burritos for dinner tonight. And the hubby sure knows how to take his time coming home from work.

I need to go further, work harder become better at what i'm doing and hopefully soon i come back with good news. I just need a little more time.

Breathing

So hard dealing with these past few weeks.I just feel so tired. It's already July and my end of financial year ended pretty bad. Coping with all the stress, some days I tell myself to let it all go. I don't need all this.

But then something good always comes up, always someone to cheer me up in the simplest way. Just today, I've had a 70 year old regular client who waits outside my branch every fortnight during pension week. He came up to me to pull out some money and left the branch. Half an hour later i watched him slowly walking back to the office with his walking sticks and he walked straight up to the counter and said, Karen. i bought us some lottery tickets, if we win tonight i'll make u stop work and come travel with me for 2 years and just be happy.

On the lottery receipt which he made me photocopy, he wrote his number in his wobbly cute handwriting with the words 'shared with Karen' on his ticket.

I thought that was just the sweetest thing. and you know what, even the simplest words can mean so much to those in need.

awhile ago

 ' You only live once but if you do it right, Once in enough.'

I was reading about Mother Teresa and the life she had led. Her work has been recognised and acclaimed throughout the world. The Nobel Peace Prize 1979 was awarded to Mother Teresa.

World icons, they motivate my everyday to the best it can be. On tv, I was watching over the news one day on a speech by the CEO of Coca-Cola. He said to imageine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. They are work, family, Health, friends and spirit and that you are keeping all of these in the air. He said that soon you would understand that work is a rubberball, that if you drop it, it will bounce back. The other balls-Family, friends, health and spirit-they are made of glass. once dropped they would be irrevocably scuffed, marked or shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that before you can strive for it. The last thing he said was that Value has a value only if its value is valued.

I take my hat off to you.

So in conclusion the best gift you could ever give someone is your time because you're giving them something you'll never get back.

and she says

I hate it when I am being abused with words that eventually ends up emotional. One minute it's all good, another minute when he's sad or angry it gets turned around. Like I mean it when I make a comparison to the story of Dr Jackyl and Mr Hyde.

And with that said, sentences like, (Let me quote just a few)

1. I am sorry I wasn't borned rich
2. You don't accept me for who I am
3. Its good that I think i have already let you go
4. Im ready for a new relationship
5 Let me call you babe again
6. I cried a thousand miles because of you
7. Now you wud be someone that i have had met, who will hurt me once every few years time
8. (receives a text on my phone and then I reply and then get a reply back saying) Who are you? May I know who you are?
9. I know i cannot have u because of my background
10. I cant afford to have you
11. I guess things will never change until the day one of us leaves this world.. Thanks for been a part of my life
12.I might not be chatting with you any longer.
13. Finally, you forgive Jillian.. But when are you going to forgive me?

On the 30th of October 2010, I then said to him

'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.'


Have you had anyone whose told you the same lines over and over, Each time a little different than the other but all the more the same. Every now and then I get so confused because I am torn between this relationship/friendship we have that has been embeded for the many years.

8 years down memory lane, I still have all the little messages/notes/e-mails/letters. Every one of them leaving me with a love/hate feeling. I just do not know what to believe anymore. All these chances given of all that could have been, of all that could have had made things better, of all that could save the many many sleepless nights and of course the tears. I wouldn't have forgotten the tears and heartache.

I still remember begging for you to make me your life. I remember flying all the way across the oceans back for a second chance to make it work. I remember wanting so much to be a part of you that maybe you just forgot how long you have waited for me, you forgot that I'm not always going to wait, you forgot what I actually felt.

I remember asking you to choose between me and this girl friend. This girl who had been unjust with her words against mine. I couldn't understand for the duration I was with you that you couldn't even put her aside thus made her your best mate because she was your best friends girl. Hands down, I respect that you have chosen. I hope you never will regret this.

Yet you still don't understand till today why we are so much broken up. It has been because you were never able to prioritise the important and you fail to see/choose people who actually care.

I don't want to listen to all these excuses anymore. It is a sore eye and as much as I hate to admit it, it really gets to me. What is all this shitty talk about not being borned rich/not having good family background? I CANNOT tolerate this.

Let's make another evaluation for your peace of mind.

You
1. Live with your parents at home
2.Drive a car
3. Studied abroad
4. currently working

Me
1. Live with my siblings abroad in a house I'm paying for mortgage on my own
2. Does not own a car, I walk and take public transport everyday
3. Studied abroad
4.currently working
5. Supporting my siblings uni fees and expenses

We had equal opportunities given to us. But you who did not utilise it well give all these reasons put yourself down instead of taking all this negativity and turning it into positive mindsets. I worked my way all through high school and uni abroad, i work 7 days a week and I haven't had a break in 2 years.  I have an 8-5 job and i start my weekend job at 5 in the morning. Is it so important to compare all these material things that I buy when I reward myself for all this hard work? Is it wrong to take a night off to party and drink without being called and clasified whore/slut? When I chose this path and focused on my career, you chose drinking and smoking nights away, hanging out with mates nothing ever too serious. I do believe you had wanted the best, i can tell you that you haven't tried hard enough because you always gave up too quick.

How can you judge me in that way when I have taken nothing from my parents? I am so sick and tired of all that shitty talk. It really does not interest me anymore, so enough with all this abuse.

Everyone tells me not to waste my time being angry and sad, It's true because whatever it is can't change a single damn thing that happened and I have made my decision. You ask me how I can turn my emotions off and not care about things so pretty quick. I tell you now that it wasn't all about flicking that switch up and down. You eventually have better things to think about/do than arguing. I want to be the bigger person.

So many times I wanted to pick up the phone and yell straight at you but did not.I just thought about it, made myself busy and eventually forgot all about it. I want to be happy for you but i'm caught up in the love/hate relationship.

I guess what I really want to say is that one can only take so much. It goes to a point that It isn't fair to me. I'm just saying my part, that i'm sick of being misjudged (not that i really care) and you being the person that everyone sympatises on. They don't know me enough to take on to judge me.

I want you to be a better person, keep being happy in whatever you are doing and just stop comparing and pondering on the 'what if's and what could have been'. It's all over and done with. You have had all the chances you ever could have. Stop regretting because if you had cared/loved enough you wouldn't have done/said all those stupid things.

To me Today, words are just words. We're both old enough to deserve just a whee bit of respect.

I think i deserve to be happy, with or without Lionel. For I always will be happy for u.

Life is too short.

I could never forget, nor ever make amends,
For the war that was started,
And that seemed never to end.

02/05/2012

Officially bought my first investment property yesterday. It may seem a little too quick for everything to fall in place as I had bought my first house just a little less than 9 months ago.

Fulton Lane

It feels great knowing that I have achieved all this by myself.

10 months

It gets easier going to sleep every night. It's hard to express in words everything that is bottled up inside. Some days I feel as though everyone else betrays, even the good; even the closest.

Everyday I still feel this happiness inside of me. When I'm about to meet my beloved siblings and when I'm going back home to my man. Everything that happens in between does not matter anymore.

I have so much to feel thankful for yet sometimes on bad days I am ashamed of such unpleasant thoughts. This year has made Lionel and I grow so much mentally. It is always great when we have a goal to achieve, and every day that passes knowing we're both one step closer in making it come true.

Once Upon a time

This stranger I had not come to know off left us this very day.

A year older

Twas a week of celebration for my partner and I with our birthdays being just 4 days apart. It was great having to catch up with family and friends all at the same time. I never thought being in a club wrapped around the arms of a man would feel so complete, as if I was the only thing He had eyes on and that sparkle in his eyes; nothing I wouldn't give for that. We have finally moved into our new place and getting into routine will take awhile especially after living in the city for the last 6 years.

Mom and dad are arriving in 3 days. It would be the first time Lionel would be meeting them. And i'm really sure they will come to love him as much as my siblings and I do.

Now that play time is over, we'll be focusing on our career for the next few months. I pray that everything would go our way. Till then.

Valentines

My whole package came in the sort of way I never expected. Being in a restaurant with the man of my life holding a bouquet of roses never felt so perfect.

Its been a rough couple of weeks battling emotions with things back home. At the end of it all, I just do not understand no matter how hard I try.

On a brighter note, Lionel and I will be taking off to one of the most romantic places in Asia. I try to make everyday a better one. Because all of u mean a lot to me, and i want to make you proud.

Love makes people grow into their better selves. Happy Valentines.

Happy Chinese New Year

I cant imagine having to live life alone in this foreign land. I miss all of you. Its funny also how you can almost remove someone off ur life simply by clicking a facebook setting ; unfriend. I've learned that almost no guy friend ; unless gay of course, can ever be your best friend. I've learned also that it was okay to loose a friend only if it meant well for both parties.

I also hope that down this track of life, people will learn to put their past aside and if ever to reminisce those moments, only to appreciate that people who have walked your path somehow has shaped and moulded you to be a better person.

I can't think of any sad endings because I do not believe in one. I wish each and every one of you to be blessed with love from your family; friends and that special someone you've been waiting for all this time of your life.

If you had told me this time last year where I would be today, I wouldn't have believed you. Only because I had no idea I was strong enough to make big decisions and because I never knew moving on unveils the many little things in life that you have been too caught up with to notice; what's always been there, what's always been in front of you.



Tonight I make toast, for you and I , for love, success, hapiness, health and prosperity for the year 2012.

Happy new year

I cant tell u how excited I am about moving, and how excited again i am to seeing my siblings again. Then in 2 months, I'll be able to see my parents again. Tonight my mom called trying to persuade me into coming home, It's left me with a great many mix feelings.

Everythings getting better, I've come up with a long list of new year resolutions, most of all, I'm ready to let go.

This Christmas

Christmas away from home and my family didn't feel very unusual anymore. Last year I met Lionel on Christmas Eve in church, and really it's been one year since. It had been very special spending both those days together and even with his sister, it felt like i belonged again in a family.

I've had my parents call me but never picking up. It's as if I've built a wall around me and I just can't deal with unneccessary emotions. I'm still recovering and nursing my health back because when I get emotional, I just crash. I try to understand why things are the way they play out to be, I hate myself hearing a cry over the phone and not being able to do anything. I just need a little bit more time to pull myself together, career wise, relationship wise and just being able to deal with everything more comfortably.

Everything had seem too good to be true, full time job, biggest financial institution to work for, yet everyday i still have second thoughts, almost every morning I wake up having to drag myself out of bed and sulking like a 2 year old not wanting to go to play school.

Everyday I tell myself how thankful i should be to have all this blessed upon my life and that I really should appreciate the people and things bestowed upon me because I do actually deserve this hapiness.

Some days I cannot help but have bad thoughts. Some days I even feel like pushing the one person I truly love away from me too. I guess I'm just exhausted, so exhausted that even a 4 day break does not help. Some days I feel like I want to go all out and crazy, I want to just not care about anything, i want to not have any obligations, I want to not care about where to be 5 months from now. I feel so suffocated.

Other days are bright and beautiful. May there be better days to come and may I not forget who I am and the person I want to be.

Merry Christmas everyone.

wishful thinking

I woke Lionel up because It hurt so bad and he stayed up to watch me. I had torn my shoulder tissue and had continued with work. It didn't seem that serious until it hit the nerves on my neck and jaw. I am still on pain killers and it ain't funny. Work has been nothing but stress. It sucks more when I have to work when I am going through so much pain.

It's been pretty upsetting this past few days. It's mixed with angry feelings and God knows what. I wonder why parents fall out of love. I wonder why such nasty words can come out of a persons mouth especially if it involves 2 people you love so much and of whom you thought would mean the world to each other. I wonder why it happens when its that phase of their lives where they really ought to just sit down and enjoy life, drama free.

Maybe that was why I never wanted anything serious with anyone or that whenever I felt like I really loved someone, I just give it all up because I was too scared. I've never quite put up a fight for anything serious involving matters of the heart because I've always thought I should protect myself before others.

I just don't know if love will ever last.

To know

Someone I grew up knowing left this world recently. We lost her to cancer. I remember sending her a text a month ago when she had gotten really sick. She replied me, asking to keep her in my prayers and she told me that she loves me very much. I was taken back at that line, because it meant a lot to hear that I was somewhat significant in her life. I must admit that I do take for granted people in life, I often think that people just forget, that they just forget about you through time. I'm tucked in bed, thinking about her, wondering where she is right now, wondering if she's happier than she was on earth that She need not go through a day more of pain. I'll be happy knowing she's in a better place.

I got home tonight and found the ipod on my side of the bed with a song paused. I got a message from Lionel to plug it in and to play it just as he had left it. I was having some trouble sleeping a few nights ago and I asked him to sing me a bed time song. The song he left on the ipod was the very same song he had sung to me. 

I'm happy.

First Week

I've been a lot busy. I've only got a good 10 minutes before I have to run again. Works been good. I'm doing a minimum 60 hour week from now but I love every bit of it. The bills have come rolling in again this time of the month and I've got a full on weekend with early cafe shifts and celebratory dinner/drinks with best friends for my new job. We're getting a car this weekend as well and it's all pretty exciting. Lionel's busy at work too but with the car, I can now bring him dinner every night. I'm going to get inked soon. Something I've had always wanted to do regardless of what people say. My drivers test will be delayed as I've got too much work on my hands at the moment. Other than that, things are fine and I'm considering bar tending for Hilton Hotel just for fun. I've got all this silly dreams that I want to do at least once in my life but having not enough hours in a day to complete it all.

Lionel brought me to Eureka Towers just 2 nights ago. The view was spectacular being 88 floors above ground overlooking the whole city of Melbourne. It was rather romantic in a way although I scared the shit outta me self when we went to the glass deck. Anyways, I'll write again. soon. Tonight, like every other night, I've gotta wait for my hubbie to come home from work. I feel so happy day by day. He said to me last night he wanted to marry me. Of course I wanted to, but we're both too young, but having to have someone to share my dreams with me, it's such a wonderful feeling when u have someone u love cuddling you to sleep every night, washing your hair when your hands are full of blisters and plasters and to have it all blow dried nicely,having someone to make my breakfast and lunch boxes for work every morning, having someone to give me my piggy back rides every time my feet hurts from walking.

If you know me, its really unusual for me to talk about a guy this way. But what else can i say, this guy made my heart skip a beat and I'm pretty sure he'll sweep me off my feet for the rest of my life.

More than Happy

I said I was going to write when good news come about. It did. They say things come by in its own time, It's been a good one year working for Commonwealth Bank's Melbourne Operations Head Office, no doubt it was good but there was a lot of insecurity when you are contracted for a period of time and when you have a mortgage to pay. God works in his own ways for each of us, i believe in prayers and a little bit of persistence. I got offered a Full time Permanent Job for the Bank in a different sector as of today. One that surprisingly didn't apply for and got called in personally from a branch I had no idea exist for me to be part of their team. Months and months of sleepless nights all put to an end now. It sounds too good to be true, these feelings are way beyond what I can actually put into words now. I've had everything I ever wanted in my life today.

I count the blessings showered onto my life. I am just very very happy.

This years Xmas presents came early. I love every single one of you who have been there for me. The happiness comes also with a little bit of sadness. Sad because I've made such great friends at work that I've been part of a family with for the past year, that I see almost 40 hours and more a week for the past year, friends I have to now leave for something better.

What is that word to describe it all?

BitterSweet.

Moving on is hard, but exciting at the same time because there are just so many people to meet, just so many things to learn and so many more things to experience. It'll be a good journey. and Thank you for being a part of it.

Time

Last night I cooked dinner for my brother and sister. We had it inside the bedroom where we sleep. It was sorta nasty in a way if you think about it, to have moved the food on our bedside table in front of the laptop with my brother's ingenious idea to watch Prom Night while eating. It also felt nice being able to be in this room and talk to them, laugh about the silly things we do and of course my sibling's most loved topic is how gay and bitchy I am plus the constant talk on criticizing my driving. I'm getting a car soon for myself! Just a little bit more to save up for! Anyway, what I am trying to say is that times like this where I get to spend with my family is really Priceless. My brother just broke off his relationship of 3 years last weekend, it was mutual and perhaps for the better. I never believed in long distance relationships, I will not start in having that little bit of faith in it too.

I had an amazing weekend of party/sisha and of course my time with Lionel. I spend Sunday watching the story of Aryton Senna, an amazing Formula One driver and my weekly marathon of Fast Furious movies. I don't know how boyish I can get with Lionel's influence in me with cars. We hit our 16th movie last weekend as well, from when we starting dating, we've watched one movie a weekend in the cinema on an average count to date. Hoyts must really love us with the amount of money we spend on them.

My package arrived from America this morning. Now I have to plan on how to surprise my boyfriend for the weekend! I can't believe it's only Tuesday! I've had a few interviews in line, hoping only for the best! Stage One for my house has finished and It's all getting pretty exciting now. I've had myself covered for Income Protection which was approved last week. So everything is falling into place quite well and I am happy.

I guess one should always look forward to each day and always be thankful for the wonderful things in life. I know I do! There are days where you just really feel like you can't be fucked with anything anymore, but believe me, other days turn out better. My mom has been feeling a little sad lately being away from us for so long, it got me a little down knowing how I can only be there for here through the phone as I have work commitments. It's been far too long since I've been home. I miss my family.

Anyways this whole week is family week! You take care and I'll tell you if good news come about. xx

Mending the soul

It's been a while since I've actually gone home. I swear my workplace is like my first home because I spend more time working than actually sleeping. Either that, there's always something to do, someone's birthday to attend, some party that can't be avoided. I broke down last night at work. I was beginning to wonder when I would actually fall apart. Have you ever been in situations where you are the sole person doing all the labor while someone else just watches you do it for the next 7 hours? I'm not complaining about work, I love work; mainly because I need the money and because I have to provide for my brother and sister; it's just been hard for me that I wake up at 6.30am and start work at the bank at 8 till 4.30pm and rush straight to my other job til 11pm last night. It would have been better if I hadn't had to do everything myself, well things are always better when someone else helps along.

I looked at my wrinkly wrinkly hands and bruised bruised heels, I couldn't even get into the shower without help last night. My boyfriend walked me a 15 minute walk just watching me tear my way home. He's good that way that he just gives me my time knowing how I hate talking things through with people. I feel sad for him nevertheless because I refuse to share anything intimate with him; by that I mean my feelings and what I go though everyday. I don't know why I close up so much around people, I just feel like time spent is precious and it need not involve anything bad, I just want to share good times and happy moments with people I love.

I am okay..

The bad days are gone and I have this weekend and the next to look forward to. How fast one month has flown, I barely noticed it fly by. It will be a year since I've started at the Bank. I have a special gift for Lionel next week when we'll be celebrating a very special day for both of us. I don't know how to tell you this but having met Lionel, he's been nothing but perfection. I meet new people on an everyday basis, talk to them and all that, that's my job but I can never find anyone even close to the qualities Lionel has.

I am so lucky that I have someone to sing me a bedtime song, to tuck me into bed, to help me steam iron my work clothes, to make my bad days better days, to have stayed up just to pick me up from work and to tell me how amazing a person I am in his eyes. I find it all too good to be true, but it is happening. Lionel has happened in my life.

 I'm well from the cold I caught last week for being constantly under the rain. I have a huge party to attend over the weekend with Lionel and It'll be fun.


I can't wait to dance under the moonlight, I can't wait to be all cuddled in his arms.

Somewhere over the rainbow and the dreams you dreamed of

I'd like to think that dreams do come true. It's been a rather exhausting week for me with work piled up like no tomorrow. I've given some thought about the online site and I've decided to set it up towards the middle of this month, I just purchased a Monster Turbine Pro Copper Gold Ear Phone for the boyfriend and I've been going through this crazy obsession with Yves Saint Laurent arty ovale rings. I just think every girl should own one because it brings such a sophisticated element to one.

Hello there little one! My favourite in turqoise.

 

 Monster Turbine Pro Copper

What else is new? Recently my boyfriend has been into this photo taking phase and we decided to invest in this beauty, yes a Nikon D7000. I must admit that I was a little reluctant in this purchase because I have always been a Canon user and because it was really for professional use for amateurs like us.I've grown to love it over time although it drives us crazy most of the time with its very complicated settings.

Baby Nikon!

This week will be rather lonesome as I will be focusing on work.My brother's basketball team won Champion in the Asean Games yesterday in Melbourne. I had my driving lesson as well and my hazard test is in a weeks time! I think I am Lionel deprived.. he sent me a text saying that if he didn't get to see me before Friday next week he'll be hospitalized for lack of Karenloveism.

Have a good week bros!

Weekend Blues

It feels different lying on this bed with the same familiar scent of this room. The laptop is watching my brother sleep and my sister is snoring away, snuggled right up beside me. I've had a bad cough and a sore throat to keep me tucked in bed for the weekend. I'm looking at this picture of you and I. I can't sleep tonight  because you're not here to kiss me good night.

and She says to him..

Some people think it's easy just to forget, I just want to tell you that It isn't and I haven't forgotten about you. I know It's like how the song is sung, about how one mustn't make excuses for another's behaviour. I think about you every night that you are there and I wonder about how you are; because it is important to me that you are okay. I also want to believe that you are doing well without me and that you find happiness that you ever so deserve. I can't breathe. I want to tell you I miss you but I know we can never be friends again. I don't remember why I stopped talking to you, I don't remember why I gave up on you.

Too much Love

Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

3 Months

Because everyday I am thankful for you and no matter what happens, every 22nd day of the month will be ours to share. I love you baby boy. It's been a good three months and you have been nothing but wonderful. I've had dreams where perfection only existed in, I never knew reality could be as sweet and I never knew someone like you could fill up all the emptiness within me. God made you perfect for me.

I love you.

Kroam for Lionel.