and she says

I hate it when I am being abused with words that eventually ends up emotional. One minute it's all good, another minute when he's sad or angry it gets turned around. Like I mean it when I make a comparison to the story of Dr Jackyl and Mr Hyde.

And with that said, sentences like, (Let me quote just a few)

1. I am sorry I wasn't borned rich
2. You don't accept me for who I am
3. Its good that I think i have already let you go
4. Im ready for a new relationship
5 Let me call you babe again
6. I cried a thousand miles because of you
7. Now you wud be someone that i have had met, who will hurt me once every few years time
8. (receives a text on my phone and then I reply and then get a reply back saying) Who are you? May I know who you are?
9. I know i cannot have u because of my background
10. I cant afford to have you
11. I guess things will never change until the day one of us leaves this world.. Thanks for been a part of my life
12.I might not be chatting with you any longer.
13. Finally, you forgive Jillian.. But when are you going to forgive me?

On the 30th of October 2010, I then said to him

'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.'


Have you had anyone whose told you the same lines over and over, Each time a little different than the other but all the more the same. Every now and then I get so confused because I am torn between this relationship/friendship we have that has been embeded for the many years.

8 years down memory lane, I still have all the little messages/notes/e-mails/letters. Every one of them leaving me with a love/hate feeling. I just do not know what to believe anymore. All these chances given of all that could have been, of all that could have had made things better, of all that could save the many many sleepless nights and of course the tears. I wouldn't have forgotten the tears and heartache.

I still remember begging for you to make me your life. I remember flying all the way across the oceans back for a second chance to make it work. I remember wanting so much to be a part of you that maybe you just forgot how long you have waited for me, you forgot that I'm not always going to wait, you forgot what I actually felt.

I remember asking you to choose between me and this girl friend. This girl who had been unjust with her words against mine. I couldn't understand for the duration I was with you that you couldn't even put her aside thus made her your best mate because she was your best friends girl. Hands down, I respect that you have chosen. I hope you never will regret this.

Yet you still don't understand till today why we are so much broken up. It has been because you were never able to prioritise the important and you fail to see/choose people who actually care.

I don't want to listen to all these excuses anymore. It is a sore eye and as much as I hate to admit it, it really gets to me. What is all this shitty talk about not being borned rich/not having good family background? I CANNOT tolerate this.

Let's make another evaluation for your peace of mind.

You
1. Live with your parents at home
2.Drive a car
3. Studied abroad
4. currently working

Me
1. Live with my siblings abroad in a house I'm paying for mortgage on my own
2. Does not own a car, I walk and take public transport everyday
3. Studied abroad
4.currently working
5. Supporting my siblings uni fees and expenses

We had equal opportunities given to us. But you who did not utilise it well give all these reasons put yourself down instead of taking all this negativity and turning it into positive mindsets. I worked my way all through high school and uni abroad, i work 7 days a week and I haven't had a break in 2 years.  I have an 8-5 job and i start my weekend job at 5 in the morning. Is it so important to compare all these material things that I buy when I reward myself for all this hard work? Is it wrong to take a night off to party and drink without being called and clasified whore/slut? When I chose this path and focused on my career, you chose drinking and smoking nights away, hanging out with mates nothing ever too serious. I do believe you had wanted the best, i can tell you that you haven't tried hard enough because you always gave up too quick.

How can you judge me in that way when I have taken nothing from my parents? I am so sick and tired of all that shitty talk. It really does not interest me anymore, so enough with all this abuse.

Everyone tells me not to waste my time being angry and sad, It's true because whatever it is can't change a single damn thing that happened and I have made my decision. You ask me how I can turn my emotions off and not care about things so pretty quick. I tell you now that it wasn't all about flicking that switch up and down. You eventually have better things to think about/do than arguing. I want to be the bigger person.

So many times I wanted to pick up the phone and yell straight at you but did not.I just thought about it, made myself busy and eventually forgot all about it. I want to be happy for you but i'm caught up in the love/hate relationship.

I guess what I really want to say is that one can only take so much. It goes to a point that It isn't fair to me. I'm just saying my part, that i'm sick of being misjudged (not that i really care) and you being the person that everyone sympatises on. They don't know me enough to take on to judge me.

I want you to be a better person, keep being happy in whatever you are doing and just stop comparing and pondering on the 'what if's and what could have been'. It's all over and done with. You have had all the chances you ever could have. Stop regretting because if you had cared/loved enough you wouldn't have done/said all those stupid things.

To me Today, words are just words. We're both old enough to deserve just a whee bit of respect.

I think i deserve to be happy, with or without Lionel. For I always will be happy for u.

Life is too short.