Reality

I've had my reality check done. It's been 2 weeks since I have returned to Melbourne. Today I went for my first bridal fitting with my girlfriends. The bride to be, Her dress looked amazing on her, I want to look as amazing as she was today when my time comes. I did not get engaged in Kuching although Lionel and I threw a small get together with a bunch of our friends. I guess so many things happened, my heart got broken at the words i heard come out from the person i loved. Then there was my mom and my dad. So much has happened, i feel so numb. At times I wished they could just break up and leave because of how bad things have gotten to. I dont know why 2 people would rather put up and cope although everything is at a dead end. Im so frustrated I don't even know how to begin. Family issues have been a sensitive part for me. I dont know how many more nights i cry myself to sleep. and I just dont care anymore. . but i care. i dont know what im saying. I am really proud of myself because for the 8 days that i was in Kuching I slept with the lights off. But of course I had trouble sleeping, I slept every night around 3am because my heart was just so..troubled, I dont know how and what to feel. I think there was no drama because Ive always chose to not do anything about simply anything. Let it be. I am really glad I've not settled down. I cannot imagine life being tied down i cannot imagine being the one who has to wait i cannot imagine so many things, u dont know how it feels. This is me being me. Had to change the address of the site because this was getting too personal.